"I went up to where he was standing, waited to chat and...well I'm not one of those people that runs to the famous person to talk to them but something was different this time - I knew I needed to talk to him...to connect with him so that I could be discipled by him...so I said Hey..."
He went on to tell me how he had asked Francis Chan to be his mentor which was followed by a friendly arm on the shoulder with a discouraging let down.
My friend stopped him mid-sentence and assured Francis that he understood what he was saying, politely excused himself and walked away with a heavy feeling in his chest. Why had he sensed god telling him to connect with Francis Chan if only for a let down? What was the big deal?
He then said one of the most profound statements I have heard in awhile. His conclusion was...
"What if I was led to talk to Francis Chan so that I could realize that I don't need Francis Chan to give me the affirmation that I am the right guy for the job...I know it sounds dumb but I've always wanted to be picked out of a crowd by someone famous and told that I was the person, that I was the one that they needed. It's a fantasy that I would be recognized and affirmed by someone like Francis Chan and today I got the opposite."
"It hit me then...I realized that God was telling me that he has given me that affirmation and that I don't need Francis Chan, I already have it from Him - the disappointment took place so that I could hear that from God. Maybe that was the whole purpose of this day."
I heartily agreed with him and began to realize all the "important" people that I had sought out to receive affirmation from. One such person was George Verwer - a mentor and former boss who established one of the largest mission agencies in the world. I became his travel assistant for a year back in 2005 and have had a great friendship since. I told my friend that even though I had been affirmed by him through my year and continually since, I still seek affirmation in other "famous" people and try to get into their field of vision so that I feel affirmed in my calling, interests and personal goals. What do I give them - not much if anything. Ultimately it is very self-centered. It is not wrong to know famous people, to learn from important people or to intentionally seek them out, but I knew that I was doing it primarily for myself rather than both that person and I.
So having affirmation from George Verwer didn't stop the need to get affirmation from other men and women of influence. Ultimately, what do I do with that affirmation? It should be turned into action, ingenuity, leadership, character, opportunities for others, etc... but instead I use it for my own sense of self-worth and gratuity. At the end of the day, I am just using these people if my motivations are sourced in my own insecurities and not in the greater good of those individuals and the Kingdom that we share. There's a lot going on with that but after listening to my friend - I too realized that I was hearing the same thing from God.
I don't need affirmation from another human being above God. I can receive affirmation from them but when it becomes a central aspect to how I clamp down my insecurities, then it becomes selfish and self-serving instead of generative, sustaining and life-giving. Looking for affirmation from other human beings incessantly also inhibits our ability to move forward, create and launch out with our sense of calling and giftedness - because we are always waiting for someone else to tell us that we should, that we can, that we are gifted, etc...
Others deal with insecurities very differently than what I have described but I know that some of us can resonate. I want to say this.
"Let's stop waiting for the Francis Chans, the George Verwers, the hero that gives us a sense of security and affirmation. Let's just join them on small or large scales in the work that we are passionate about and let God be our source of affirmation - to just go for it, to know that we are gifted, called and have, for the most part, been commissioned already. Let's stop waiting for our heroes to pat us on the back and just join the fun.
great post Nathan! ... and such an important reminder. I'd say that, at least in my own life, this has been true not only with big and famous leaders, but also with everyday friends. Sometimes it's all too easy to work to please those around us (seeking their approval), rather than accepting our place as God's children and, as you said, letting him be our source of affirmation.
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